Why Wisconsin Rules the Midwest

4 Oct

I could stop there, but as one of my Minnesotan friends once said to me, “Wisconsin fans just don’t know when to shut the #%&@ up.”

I’ll be honest. I am currently in a heightened state of state pride. Let’s face it, you would have to be living under a rock, in a little crevasse dug by moles or perhaps underneath the water table to have missed out on the current athletic domination that is Wisconsin sports. The Packers, coming off a (belt it) World Championship, remain one of two NFL teams with an undefeated record thus far, the Badgers, also undefeated just gave Nebraska a big Shuck You in their inaugural Big Ten game, and don’t even get me started on the Brewers (seriously though, I think there’s some weird baseball superstition about that).

The true joy in hailing from Wisconsin is being a diehard sports fan.  I have never considered this a bad thing, though, as of late, some people have criticized it. Sometimes it’s an outrageous thing, what with all the cheese clothes and beer (wait, that’s awesome too) but why would there be any shame in loving your state’s sports teams? Other states in the area have some differing opinions about what I have described, and I would like to share their arguments with you:

The main arguments made by sports fans of other Mid-Western states (namely Minnesota):

-You’re all just fair-weather fans
-HAHA we got Favre
-People in WI have nothing else to do but watch sports

My response to their arguments:

-The weather is always nice in Wisconsin, even when its not
-HAHA how did that work out for you?
-OR we just have our priorities straight

Now would be the time that I should note that being a sports fan is not all about winning. Luckily, Wisconsin has some badass stadiums and tailgate traditions to keep us all satisfied.

Yet, there are challenges to being great. For example, “Last year, the Packers made it to the Super Bowl and the Badgers made it to the Rose Bowl. You actually have to go back to the pre-Super Bowl era to 1962-63 to find a season in which both the Packers and Badgers made their respective championship games. Simply put, watching the Badgers and Packers play at the level they currently are is something that should not be taken for granted.”

Happily, even if any of my favorite sports teams lose a game, we still don’t have the crushing blow of being 0 for anything.

“As Wisconsinites, we are already blessed to have had relative consistency over the past two decades. Most fans aren’t so fortunate. So, the next time the Badgers or Packers lose a game, just think to yourself: What if I lived in Minnesota?”

Don’t mess with the honey badger.

[For real though, my bloggies that aren’t Wisconsinites, as long as you’re a true sports fan, I don’t care which team you love/hate/or love to hate]

Here’s where I got my shit ya skeptics: http://chippewa.com/blogs/sam-oleson/article_2d6b2ae0-de50-11e0-a458-001cc4c03286.html#ixzz1ZmH65vMI

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road ragin’

11 Aug

Since I am from Wisconsin, it automatically means that I am surrounded by drivers that appear to have skipped Driver’s Ed altogether.  No matter where you are in the otherwise great state of Wisconsin, you will wonder if the person driving next to you has eyes or if they are guesstimating their route. And the driving only gets worse the closer you get to the Capitol Square in Madison.

Every day, I am forced to drive through the three mile radius of the capitol known as “Downtown Madison”. Apart from being known as the hippie hub of the Midwest, Madison is also known (or should be known) for the craziest one-way streets and worst drivers. Let me break it down for you in the kindest way I can: I am 100% a road rage-aholic. What pisses me off the most?

Well let’s see here, the people that annoying me most are:

-people who drive the exact speed limit (either go faster or slower so I know if I can pass you, and when I DO pass you, don’t speed up)
-people who drive in the bike/bus lane
-people who take more than one second to realize that the light has changed from red to green
-people that slow down coming towards you as you start to make the turn because they think you are going to hit them
-people that don’t use a turn signal to change lanes (basically everyone from Illinois driving in WI)
-people who are old women, women with children in the back, women that do their makeup while driving, women who have a handicap sticker, women who smoke and drive AND women who talk with their hands while on their cell phones
-people who park and take up two spots on the curb (stop pretending you drive an F150 and realize that a Prius should be parked in the bike rack)

Another bone I have to pick is with whatever city decides to install digital signs that tell you how fast you are driving. It should be assumed that my speedometer is functioning. For realsies.

What I hate the most about drivers though, are the part-time drivers known as bicyclists (also made exponentially worse the closer you get to the capitol). Bicyclists in Madison are a breed all their own. Sometimes bicyclists want to pretend they are cars and stop at red lights, but MOST TIMES they want to pretend they aren’t vehicles (which they are) and run red lights. I think it might be nice to have a distinction in road regulations that they understand before my one ton car barrels down the road and obliterates them into incense smelling fairy dust.

Sorry that I’m not sorry I’m an American and drive a car like one.

doldrums

28 Jul

As an inherently bored person I find it hard to find activities that can hold my attention for longer than five minutes. Though it seems extreme, I don’t think that being constantly entertained is a bad thing. Who wants to spend their life pounding their head against the wall chanting “What to do? What to do?” Awhile ago I decided that I wouldn’t be a victim of that game, and instead I would either find something worth doing or convince myself that whatever I was doing was worth it. Fake it till you make it.

This was about the same time that I picked up reading as a pastime.

While that could only sustain me for so long (about 3 hours a day if I’m decently lucid) it was a good idea to find a broader list of activities to do. However, it becomes even more challenging when your pet-peeves clash directly with potentially fun plans.

For example:
-I don’t want to stand for more than 30 minutes at a time (if I slept less than 10 hours the previous night, the limit sinks down to 15 min. at a time)
-I don’t like driving to new places where I am unfamiliar with streets
-whenever I go outside I require a breeze (unless it’s below 60 degrees)
AND most importantly…
-I hate crowds of people (crowds of people in hot weather is a double whammy)

So what do you do when it appears you hate being social yet you’re constantly bored? Reevaluate your life. And when that doesn’t work, you get over it. So what if I like hanging out by myself watching Friends re-runs every day until I quote them so much I think I came up with the joke? And so what if I would rather stay home on a Saturday night to play with my adorable dogs (not a bad choice until you consider that one of them is semi-blind and the other is overweight, making them very unwilling to do much).  Just because my idea of fun is different than most functioning people, does that make me cynical towards life?

That was rhetorical, asshole.

Growing up, especially on weekends, I would ask my mother to find something fun for me to do. I would claim that I was going to die of boredom. Looking back on it now, I see that it wasn’t that I suddenly became busy; it was just that my viewpoint of boredom changed. I wish I could say that I am less maintenance now, but that’s just not true.

On any given day I would say that I act in accordance with social norms. I usually like to hang out with people (in doses of 5 or less), and lately I have been forced to withstand the heat with no breeze. So my point here is this: as long as you feel entertained, who cares if it’s boring to someone (or everyone) else.

I can pretty much thank all of this to an epiphany I had about tanning. Some people will just get what I’m saying, and some won’t. Those who do recreationally tan

liar liar my rant is on fire

7 Jul

Casey Anthony’s innocence is enough to prove that lying makes the world go round. While I may not have been interested in the OJ Simpson case while it was going on, namely because I was six and Toy Story came out that year, I do think it resembles the Casey Anthony trial a little too closely. I think people want to believe good looking people are innocent because why would a decent looking person have motives to kill? Really, I can understand the hoopla about not having enough evidence to convict someone beyond a reasonable doubt, but let’s use our brains for a second in a section I am going to call, “Lie You Moron” and “Lying Would be Asinine”:

Lie You Moron (things that are appropriate to lie about):
-liking a friend’s shirt even though you can’t look at it for more than 3 seconds without quivering
-saying that you like bowling because the guy you’re hitting on does
-telling your friends aforementioned guy is actually an avid football fan
-liking tofu

Lying Would be Asinine (things you should never lie about):
-killing you child, but that pretty much goes without saying
-hiding your dead child’s body in the forest, then averting police to Disney World

Last tip: if you are going to lie and perhaps create a fictitious person (boyfriend, friend or nanny) at least give them a realistic name like Mary or John, but NEVER Zenaida. You might as well have called her Rumpelstiltskin and said that she took your child to make her spin straw into gold. Weird names are always a red flag… you idiot.

Yet, no matter how many times you are convicted of lying to authorities, you can still get away with it if you show no emotion, do not testify, and party while your dead child is missing. Isn’t that the lesson we were suppose to take from this trial?   Common sense would behoove me to say that pole dancing at a party while your child is missing means you’re guilty. That bitch is as guilty as they come. But, like OJ, Casey Anthony will accidently find herself back in the courtroom and be sentenced to 15 years in jail for something completely different. All because she’s and idiot, and more importantly, a bad liar.

End rant.

rediscovering & discovering music

28 Jun

I have always been a music enthusiastic, thanks largely in part to my father who can, on demand, recall any title and singer of any song previous to 1995. I assume I got the gift of memorization from him, and obviously my taste in awesome music. “Awesome” is definitely a subjective term in my dictionary, especially as it pertains to music, as I can frequently be spotted gettin’ low to some Nicki Minaj. But more importantly, I can generally hear a good beat and recognize it as a hit. My standards may seem low to some people, but all I know is, I like what I like and what sounds catchy.

However, at work the other day I decided I was sick of listening to Jason Derulo radio on Pandora (shocking), and wanted to kick it oldschoolish. I decided to bring it back to what my parents would play while I was growing up: some good ol’ Fleetwood Mac. I was apprehensive at first, but when I started to get lots of Beatles and Billy Joel, I knew I had struck gold. My father would be pleased to know that after this rediscovering of good music, I now feel a little awkward listening to Waka Flocka Flame (even more shocking). I might even have to dig through his immense collection of old records, and groove it out a bit with the record player. If he heard me right now, he would probably mildly tear up, then play some Led Zeppelin on YouTube.

I was recently called out for liking only the most popular songs by certain artists, or in the case of Pearl Jam, liking a song that was “after Pearl Jam was Pearl Jam” (obviously I’m talking about Last Kiss). These haters should just appreciate that I’m testing the waters a bit.

My boyfriend, let’s call him “Matt” for the sake of anonymity, has been trying to get me to listen to country music for the past 3 years. In fact, many before him have tried and failed miserably, only leaving an even more sour taste in my mouth. Finally, I gave in. Ish. I now listen to Eric Church (because he’s rock meets country meets uber hot country boy) and because I like it. This is what got me realizing that I can almost immediately recognize what kind of music I will enjoy and what sounds like shit. The same goes with clothing, especially when you are wearing old rock band t-shirts that your boyfriend claims you know no songs by. YA screw you, it looks bad ass.

So what I am now realizing, as I mature somewhat, is that there is no point to forcing yourself into one type of music genre. When someone asks, “what kind of music do you like”? You should always answer, “I like what sounds good….bitch” (you can leave the last part out, that was just to add emphasis, something I picked up from my rap phase). Because you would have to be a robot to listen to only ONE kind of music. You are probably also boring as hell.

That’s all for now hoodlums, go crank those beats.

bloggin outta control

27 Jun

Clearly, I now think my overall hilarity is better served for the greater good, as opposed to my never-ending stand up comedy routine (you may have seen it if you have been in conversation with me in the past 20 or so years). Now it only makes sense to progress to the blogosphere, and into your homes to add to your livelihood. You are welcome world. And yes, I am telling you that I’m climbin’ in your windows and snatchin’ your sanity up.

There is nothing I won’t discuss. I have no shame, that’s my game. I’m actually imagining some of my friends thinking, “true, arrogance and shamelessness, that is what Megan is about”. Well, that is completely true. Someone needs to tell it how it is, and since I don’t mind, I’ll blog about it.

The other day I found this, ignored the “no pictures please” sign, and sent it to the gay love of my life (so it’s not PC and neither am I, whatever):

for my favorite man